The Bruces: Awards for Exceptional
Contributions to the Theatre of Politics
written by Kevin Summers, October 2004
Mercifully for all concerned, the election campaign has entered its latter
stages & it’s time for the Bruces, the awards for exceptional
contributions to the theatre of politics during this period. The awards are
dedicated to Stanley Bruce, the only Prime Minister whose campaigning
efforts were rewarded with the loss of his seat.
Worst performance by an actress in a supporting role
The judges couldn’t split two performers from the same production - “From
Medicare with Love”. Both pink cheeked Jacqui Kelly & Julia Gillard, the
Uma Thurman of Australian politics, had the opportunity to hold our
attention but both could offer only cliched efforts, nodding vacuously
behind their leaders as the respective health policies were announced. They
even nodded during the pauses.
Most disappointing major production
& the winner is ... “The Great Debate”. Despite the expense & ballyhoo, this one was a real stinker. The leading players were stiff, the supporting cast members, who lacked photogenic qualities, fumbled their lines &, worst of all, the audience knew the script in advance.
Best stunt by a leading player
No doubt about this one. Democrat leader Andrew Bartlett’s decision to
bungee jump during a visit to the Sunshine Coast was seriously weird. Though he emerged unscathed, his Party was less fortunate. Clearly, the Democrats were in free fall & were led by a fall guy. After the bad stunt came the bad puns. Ouch!
Most shocking love scene
This was fiercely contested. Tony Abbott & Julia Gillard (a busy
performer) were up close & personal in the national tour of “Doctor’s
Dilemma” while Peter Costello & Simon Crean featured in a controversial
scene from “Press Club Capers”. But the award went to the Democrats & the
Family First Party in “I Prefer You”, a saga of the desperate & dateless,
who overcame a complete lack of chemistry, simulated passion & a refusal
by the evangelicals to engage in nude scenes.
Best revival on a theme
In this case a revival of a revival. The judges honoured John Howard
Productions for “Scream & Scream Again”, a horror epic depicting the
threat to Australia from Union Zombies, seemingly mild mannered folk in
horn-rimmed glasses who in fact prey on our youth by infecting them with
outdated notions of industrial conciliation & arbitration. Very scary
stuff.
Most forgettable line in a production
Mark Latham thoroughly deserved the accolade for “ease the squeeze”. The
Coalition tried hard with “a hoax on the folks” & John Anderson’s “green
on the outside & very, very, very red on the inside”, in a classic piece
of Green-baiting, were very commendable additions to the genre but Latham’s
repetition of the line brought home the bacon. It shows that a bad line done to death has the capacity to alienate just about everybody.
& finally, a special category ...
The Darryl Kerrigan “she’s dreamin’” Award
The judges created this for Pauline Hanson for her plucky push for Canberra. & the reason for her comeback? She informed Andrew Denton that, “I wanted to know where I’m headed ...” Well, the pundits are emphatic that it won’t be the national capital.
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